Sunday, January 9, 2011

Lesson in humility

I am a firm believer that God's hand is at work in everything. EVERYTHING!

These past few weeks have been extremely challenging for me at work. I have been at this facility for 4 months and have submitted my resignation. This was a very tough decision to make because I have never in my professional life put so little time into a company, but this particular culture just wasn't right for me.

Things are hectic, one of my key staff members was let go without my involvement and another key staff member is like days away from giving birth to her second child. So, there's a lot to balance, which means stress. I'll spare you the mundane details, but I was trying to close the month of December this past week. Friday comes up and I have a report to audit and balance. I start at 5 I haven't balanced and I'm starting to get upset about it. I try different methods, I re-look and re-look at all the details I know to evaluate and I'm not getting it. I work in a financial aspect of business and balancing is pretty much the nuts and bolts of what I do. By 8pm I was tearing up a little bit. I found my mind reaching out for something...some worldly crutch. "I need a drink", "I need a cigarette" (I quit 1 year ago this week!) "I need some chocolate".

Then it hit me like a ton of bricks...I don't need any of those things. I need Jesus! At that moment I stopped everything and closed my eyes and prayed,  nothing beautiful or specific, just "Jesus help me, help me, help me". I began crying. I ended up having to close the month out of balance because it had to be closed by Friday night, no exceptions. I have never done this and left feeling like a complete failure.

I went home at 9pm I went and had a bloody mary with my husband and some guacamole and chips, which hit the spot. The next morning I woke up I felt completely relieved. God conveyed to my heart that it was my pride that was keeping me at work that many hours, my pride that was torturing me all week. Because, Jesus is my number one boss and sometimes I will be wrong and I do not know everything I think I may know and I am not perfect. But He loves me! No matter what, He loves me and embraces me, even when the world doesn't, even when I do wrong or fall short. I don't need to reach for anything other than Him for comfort.

I hope for everyone around me to feel this type of love down to their marrow. God is so good and He truly does make all things work together for my good.

Wishing you a great week!
Much love,

Nuggets of Joy